by Mrs. Paul Middlemore

This month, The Angelus addresses a classification of people we will inevitably belong to given a normal life span: the Elderly. Society tries to pretend that being elderly is “avoidable” by means of: exercise, using mind over matter and “think young,” travelling, etc. If these don’t work, there are those who dare to suggest avoiding old age with euthanasia. Society has one more option for those who are “unfortunate” enough to become elderly but don’t want to be murdered “mercifully”—you can be put in a “nice” institution.

When first pondering this topic of the elderly, I asked my 80-year-old grandmother about her thoughts on “rest homes.” She admitted that the thought of being institutionalized is every older person’s nightmare. It doesn’t take much imagination to answer the question: “Would I want my children to put me ‘away’”? Let’s face it, it doesn’t matter how expensive, special, cleanly or professional the institution might be, there’s no place like home! A stranger can never care for a person like a family member unless they are motivated by supernatural charity, and that is rare these days.

Laying aside the idea of institutionalizing grandparents, let us examine the joys and advantages (with no further stress on the obligations!) of welcoming the “older generation” into our homes when they are ready for some extra help. This is what families have always done until the last decades, and there are tremendous benefits, joys and opportunities for the whole household that lie hidden beyond the point of obligation.

One of the greatest benefits is the lesson it teaches to the children. This is clearly illustrated in a memory I have from my own childhood of my father’s constant generosity and concern for his parents. Whatever they needed, he was busy getting for them without apparent concern for his own needs. They had cared for him all those years, now it was his privilege to help them. Whenever there was a crisis, he was off to be right there. This was a living example for his children which left a lasting impression of true generosity and responsibility. Isn’t that what we all struggle to instill in our children?

For those who have their older generation move into the home, there are endless opportunities for the family to practice true love of neighbor and the reality of whatever you do to others, you do to Christ. Each day is a lesson for children as they and their parents live the corporal and spiritual works of mercy. Opportunities arise to practice heroic patience and charity while the adults juggle to retain the proper “pecking order” with an overall emphasis on peace for the household. The wisdom that should come with age brings a fullness to any family and what a blessing to have extra ears to hear the children as they read, recite and relay their lessons and experiences.

The presence of the elderly in the home inspires reflection upon the true reason for life and the importance of death. If they are holy, then, like Simeon and Anna, they will be filled with the Holy Ghost, awaiting the coming of the “Messiah.” Watching and waiting for the moment when He will release them from this vale of tears, they make ready to repeat Simeon’s canticle: “Now Thou dost dismiss Thy servant...” Their ardent love of God touches all with a lasting impression of how to prepare for the most important moment of our lives—death.

If the elderly relative is not prepared for death which is coming sooner than they would like to think, here is the obligation for the family to warn them 
of upcoming death, that they might prepare. Fr. Garrigou‑Lagrange, O.P. says that “It is a lack of faith when friends do not dare warn a sick person that he is going to die. It is a sin. They deceive him and prevent him from preparing himself.” Constant prayer and penance will be the active ingredients for begging the grace of a happy death for this loved one. The littlest ones in the family can be enlisted to help with their sacrifices. The family should pray in unison for the grace of a happy death for everyone, and this intention will help to spark some thought in those seemingly closest to death. St. Pius X counseled that we should daily offer our life: “Lord, my God, whatever be the kind of death which it pleases Thee to reserve for me, I from this moment on receive that death with all my heart and with all my soul. I accept that death from Thy hands, with all its anguish, pains, and sorrows.” A very good practice is to have Mass celebrated for obtaining the grace of graces, that of a good death. Death comes to everyone and the important lesson taught to the family will be, to be prepared since this is the doorway to eternity you can only go through once! By helping to prepare another soul for eternity, everyone benefits and begins to prepare himself. During this time it becomes apparent that nothing goes with us beyond the grave but our life of virtue or sin. This startling reality will help to put all things during the course of our lives and those of our children’s in proper perspective. And, as an aside, if the loved one has lost mental faculties, what a heart-breaking lesson for the family not to put off holiness and preparation for death until it’s too late.

Finally, if the older generation is not even Catholic, then the family will have to pray harder and do more penance, all with confidence in Our Lord’s words: “Ask and ye shall receive” and “The Lord does not delay in His promises, but for your sake is long­suffering, not wishing that any should perish but that all should turn to repentance” (II Peter 3:9). The key to conversion is a multitude of grace and the Catholic example that surrounds them. Most people learn from example, and none can resist until the bitter end, being surrounded by true love of God from the outside and their own conscience from the inside. Truly they are sandwiched! And we are consoled that “God willeth not the death of a sinner but that he be converted and live.” Because they dwell in the same home, the loved one will participate in your Catholic family life, which includes interaction with the clergy as well as family prayers. All of this will have the most profound impact on the soul so desperately in need.

So, when the opportunity presents itself and God wills that we increase our family’s number by welcoming the older generation into our home, rejoice! It’s not really our home anyway since everything is God’s and He shares it all with us (except our sins—we can claim those. Ugh!) As parents, our attitude of “Thy will be done” flows over onto everyone and is the greatest help we can give to all involved with embracing a “move in” situation. At this moment, let us imagine ourselves before Almighty God at judgment, and when He says: “I needed a place to live and someone to care for Me. Did you take Me in?” How do we want to be able to answer Him?...“He that receiveth you receiveth Me.” What a privilege!