By Rev. Fr. Peter R. Scott

Q. Is there anything wrong with a young person deciding to stay single for the rest of his or her life?

A. The decision as to one's state in life is a very personal one. However, there is a much more fundamental question that must be answered before this question is answered, and upon which the answer depends. This question is whether or not I want to strive for perfection, as Our Divine Savior encourages all of us to do: "Be you therefore perfect, as also your heavenly Father is perfect" (Mt. 5:48). This is not a counsel of optional extra. It is a necessary and immediate consequence of our Catholic life. If a person cannot answer this question affirmatively, he needs a conversion, he needs to follow an Ignatian retreat. If he does not do so, then there is no way that he or she will be able to discover the will of God for his or her state in life.

The next question that a Catholic must ask himself or herself is whether or not a religious vocation is the means for him to strive for perfection. The religious state is a state of tending towards perfection, which every Catholic should desire, if it is possible for him or her. The reason for this is that the religious life is a state in life which most disposes the Catholic soul to the perfection that grace inspires in the soul, defined as it is by Canon Law:

a permanent manner of living in community wherein the faithful, in addition to those things that are of precept, engage themselves by vow to observe the evangelical counsels of obedience, chastity and poverty. (Can. 487)

However, it very often happens that a generous soul, willing to follow God's will, discovers that the religious life is not for him. This can be for any of a number of reasons, whether in the natural or supernatural order, whether they be impediments or simply prior background, whether they be character quirks or special gifts, whether they be eccentricities or simply being too set in one's ways to adapt to community life. None of these things are an impediment to such a person striving for perfection, nor is a person to consider himself in some way inferior or a failure because he cannot join a religious community. Far from it, it remains the will of God for him to sanctify himself in his state in life, which may not be a state of perfection, it is true, but which nevertheless provides him with all the means necessary to sanctify his soul.

After this has been resolved, the next question that a young Catholic should ask himself is that given that he does not have a religious vocation, should he enter into the married state or not. There is in the mind of some people the idea that this is in some way an inevitable consequence. Far from it. The essential question is: What is the best means for me to strive for perfection in the world? For most people, it is the married state, because matrimony is a sacrament that sanctifies, gives grace and conforms to Christ in His Passion; and because the duties of the married state, both towards a spouse and towards children, are the best guarantee against the egocentric self-centeredness that a single person can otherwise be prone to.

However, the married state is not necessarily the best means for his perfection. We need to be wary of a romantic glorification of marriage that almost prescribes it. There have always been some souls who are called to strive for perfection in the world in the single life. It gives them the freedom to devote themselves to a cause, in particular a spiritual work of mercy, such as education, nursing, taking care of elderly parents, and the like. It also prevents them from becoming so overwhelmed by the burdens of daily life as to be prevented from devoting the time and attention to the things of God, as they so long to do. This is the "tribulation of the flesh" from which St. Paul so wants to spare us. (I Cor. 7:28)

Such generous souls have always been of great assistance to the Church, and have on many occasions achieved high levels of sanctity, striving for perfection by all the ordinary means at their disposal, especially their daily Mass, meditation and spiritual duties, and frequent reception of the sacraments. They have only one goal, the greater glory of God, through the sanctification of their own soul, through the edification of their neighbor by works of charity, and seeking not the passing joys of this earth, but considering that "that which is at present momentary and light of our tribulation, worketh for us above measure exceedingly an eternal weight of glory" (II Cor. 4:17). They should by no means feel that their life is a missed opportunity or in some way unfulfilled. Such is a purely naturalistic conception. Once such persons are firm in their resolution for their state in life, they can increase the merit of their service of God by a private vow of chastity, although it is by no means necessary.