August 1999 Print

Part 7

I glorify Thee, most Holy Father, God the Creator, because Thou hast made great things and because a child is going to be born out of this human love that Thou hast blessed.

Jesus, Word of God Who enables me to adore Thee through the charming features of the baby of the crib, I consecrate my little one. Fill him/her with the most beautiful gifts of nature and grace. May he/she be our joy on this earth and Thy glory in eternity.

O Holy Ghost, vouchsafe to overshadow me during these blessed months of waiting so that his/her soul is ready to become Thy sanctuary by Holy Baptism.

And thou, Mary, Queen of Mothers, help me, I beg thee, at the time of delivery. I accept beforehand all my sufferings and ask thee to offer them to God for the sake of my child.

My holy guardian angel, holy angel of my little one, watch over us. Amen.

 

The Awakening of Faith

Keep in mind that having become children of God by adoption, these little children are Christ's favorites. Their angels see the face of the heavenly Father. By educating them, you have to be "other angels" who, by offering to them care and watchfulness, always look at Heaven. From the cradle you must begin not only their corporal education but also their spiritual one. (Pope Pius XII, 1941)

For children, faith is not first of all some intellectual speculation or demonstration. It is an atmosphere, that is, an environment of suggestions, words, and attitudes which give the child convictions and certainties. It is the faith of the parents extended to the heart of the child. Catholic parents will find many consolations in the fruitful response of their children to the call of faith!

A child receives the gift of faith at baptism. At that moment, God has set the intelligence and will of the child to perform acts of faith easily. In this way, the soul of the baptized child has the taste, the inclination, and the need of revealed truth to know God. The roles of parents to help the child know and love the heavenly Father, the most Holy Virgin, and the life of our Lord Jesus Christ, are indispensable. They teach him to relate to the visible world in, first, his family, then parish and community. The child will easily take in all this teaching, for if the motive of faith is the person revealing, it is clear that the young child believes in God because his parents do so. The child's observation and imitation of successive and frequent actions create a habit, that is, "a reflex of faith" which will be difficult for him to shake in the future.

The loss of faith among some traditional Catholic young people stems from the fact that they have begun acts of faith—the life of faith—only with the catechism and thus in a more intellectual manner. What is in the intellect is less imbedded than what is in the will, that is, Catholic practice in everyday life. Religion develops into something that walks beside everyday life instead of leading it. Trials or bad company will rub off what was only a veneer. No doubt such young people have been taught Catholic things and might even have shown a certain level of external Catholic practice, but these have not penetrated their lives profoundly. This dysfunction may spring from the fact that a child has never seen his parents on their knees praying at night. The evil example of the parents belies what they tell their children. Young adults see that their parents don't really believe God exists because they don't live like they believe it. Their bad examples say, "Religion is just for kids (because I say so)."

From the cradle, a child must be taught the Sign of the Cross, to kiss the crucifix and images of the Blessed Virgin Mary, to pronounce reverently the names of Jesus and Mary. When he comes to table, the child must see his parents bowing their heads to pray so he becomes conscious of the "sacred." Barring miracles, the fervor of a child's faith will be in proportion to how he knew his parents lived it. Religion is not only the business of religious, it is that of parents.

Faith is not only a question of formulas or external actions, but it is an internal life which takes root in the intelligence and will.

Many adults take on the external show of religion, but religion is much more than that. Religious protocol and practice are for the "body" of religion, that is, the "fleshy" part of religion. But a "soul" is needed, something internal. To form the soul of the child is to help him avoid segregating external actions and internal gifts, and to learn to integrate them. One can foster in a child the habit of blowing kisses to our Divine Lord, but this can be done without genuine love for our Lord or without trying to please Him by curbing bad habits. A child can be taught to recite prayers, but he can say them mechanically without putting his heart into it, as if he were reciting a lesson. There must be a genuine unity within the soul of the external and internal.

The living religion which is internal demands the fight against what displeases God and the acceptance of little sorrows. The child must be helped to love in spirit and in truth. The essence of love is to please the beloved one; in this case, to become like our Lord.

To Grow Up in the Faith

The faith of the child can go either of two ways: it can grow, strengthen, and permeate him, or, on the contrary, it can shrivel, weaken, and have less and less influence. Proper development requires three elements: instruction, piety, and works. We will deal with each now.

Instruction

Instruction must be given systematically when the occasion arises. Children will often be very attentive at bedtime. Then is the time to tell stories that teach lessons in life or about saints. Tell Bible stories. Read. Read from the Bible. During the course of the day, parents must seize favorable opportunities to talk precisely about the truths of the Faith. Be careful not to over-simplify. Childlike children grasp supernatural things surprisingly quickly. Assist at baptisms with your child. Talk about Adam and Eve, about original justice, original sin, about sanctifying grace making the baby a child of God, etc. Don't be afraid to take your child to assist at Requiem Masses and burial services. At these events, talk about God's judgment, about the rewards of heaven, Christ's atonement, expiation of sins in purgatory, about the fact of hell and why people go there. When assisting at any Mass, talk about Calvary, about the Trinity present in the tabernacle, about the priest. Review and explain holy images. Talk about how they are reminders of the lives and holiness of the saints, of the Most Holy Virgin, the Sacred Heart. Children need these material representations to help them understand supernatural realities. Offer your insights regarding symbols in the Church. Encourage your child to make an evening examination of conscience. It is unwise, however, to force your child to make it out loud to you. On the contrary, lead his thoughts to understand the weight of sin, cautiously tenderize his conscience by having him stop and think about the reasons he sins, encourage his repentance for the love of God, emphasize the enduring mercy of God to forgive and forget. When a child is challenged to make an effort, remind him of our duty to sacrifice, to be charitable. Remind him of the supreme sacrifice of Christ on the Cross. On the occasion of joyous, happy events, talk about the goodness of God, of His providence.

However, beware of becoming a moralizer. Pray to simply open his little heart and soul to the life of faith. For example, after a sin or temper tantrum, be sure to first calm your child down in order to talk about his behavior before God. A loud public spat between parent and child will cause the child to become annoyed with God and think of religion as an obstacle to his "freedom." The remarks of a parent in reprimand of his child should lead him to contrition. To do this, the parent must be calm himself and the child mellowed and at peace. For these reasons, the examination of conscience in the evening is often the ideal time for such talks.

Guard against overwhelming the child with a blast of fiery words which can depress him. Saturation techniques are not an imaginary danger! They can cause catastrophic results. The words of parents are the overflow of their heart, of their internal life, and therefore should have the tone and grace to touch the heart of the child. Words full of faith and common sense are those which successfully form your child.

Piety

Piety, in its Latin significance, means the filial spirit of reverence towards parents (on account of their gifts, their love, for us). Of course, God surpasses a mother's and father's love for us. Hence, our filial spirit of devotion should be strongest toward Him. Such devotion habituates the soul of a child to be moved toward God. The gift of piety enables even the emotions to be made responsive to God. Besides his intelligence and will, the soul of your child has other faculties. Sometimes they are called emotions, sometimes the passions, sometimes they are called the "sentimental side of our nature." The gift of piety moves us to love God. This sweetness, this gracefulness, this natural lovingness toward God leads us to pray to God.

The child must develop the habit of faithfulness in prayer. This will occur more easily with the gift of piety. Wayward emotions will be checked. Faith will take precedence over the sensitivities of consolation and desolation. The child must learn that just because he "doesn't feel like praying" is no reason not to.

Because human beings are a composite of body and soul, it is important that a child be taught the bodily "attitudes" of prayer. In time, he must learn the value of kneeling when he prays, that his hands are folded together. He will learn that his prayer is better and more powerful in numbers (i.e., with the family, with the parish) and the reverence which surrounds him is an invitation to pray well, to take prayer seriously. Long, droning prayer should not be encouraged. Better for a child if it is shorter, but that it end with precise intentions. Make an example of St. Dominic Savio, who prayed for children he knew by name. Soon enough, the child should know a few prayers by heart, and he should also know their basic meaning. Teach him in his short prayers to entrust himself to Our Lord, the Blessed Mother, his guardian angel. [See, The Church's Year, available from Angelus Press.]

The liturgy of the Catholic Church perfects and develops the piety in the home. Liturgy imprinted with splendor, dignity, and meaning touches the heart and mind of the child and strengthens his faith. The daily advance of the Liturgical Year is the opportunity for parents to review with their child the mysteries of our faith and the life of Jesus and His friends.

At two to three years of age, a child should be able to assist at Mass without much fuss. Do not hesitate to sit in the first pew so that the child can clearly see the ceremonies. The parish must be patient with its young children (though habitual unreasonable behavior must be addressed and resolved by the pastor). Impatient sighs, tongue-clicks, and shushing of onlooking adults prematurely force parents to run their child off to a cry room or hallway away from the Holy Mass. No good habit is being inculcated by this; children will quickly learn how to manipulate their parents by taunting the adverse reactions of adults (who forget they were once children, too) by insistently fussing. Mom or Dad often succumb. Parents must persistently make the child aware of important moments of the ceremony and explain them softly. A child's book with pictures of the Mass in action will be helpful. Food and gim-crack toys brought into the church to keep children occupied is wrong. Use of these is only a temporary distraction for a child and will encourage in him the bad habit of being good only because the passions (e.g., hunger) or lack of focus (e.g., toys) are satisfied momentarily by parents who are failing in training their child in genuine discipline. Multiple complaints by children about bodily discomfort are not to be responded to by automatic (and unassisted) trips to the bathroom.

In his first years, before the awakening of reason, give your child a chance to become conscious of the sense of the sacred, of mystery. To ensure his perseverance, the child must be initiated to spiritual life, meaning the presence of God and prayer. Prayer can simply consist in thinking about a picture, of a holy picture which the child looks at in detail and by which the parent arouses some thought, some movements of affection, of gratefulness, of love.

Be conscious that the young child can be very capable of living in the presence of God. Teach him to pray faithfully morning and evening, to love and adore God from the bottom of his heart. Remind him in the course of the day that the good Lord, His Mother, his guardian angel, and all of Heaven's saints are watching him and love him. Tell him that all of them invite him to love them in his heart and to please them. When leaving him on his own, tenderly remind him that the good Lord watches him even though Daddy and Mommy aren't. Help him to admire God's works. Teach him to thank God, to trust Him with his problems and sorrows. He must learn to turn to his heavenly Father, Jesus, and Mary. Teach him short and fervent prayers early on which will stay with him the rest of his days. Something like these prayers taught the children of Fatima are recommended:

O Jesus, this is for Thy love, for the conversion of sinners, and in reparation for the offenses to the Immaculate Heart of Mary.

My God, I believe, I adore, I hope and I love Thee. I beg pardon for those who do not believe, do not adore, do not hope, do not love Thee.

Works

God gave us only one commandment about the love of God and neighbor: "Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with thy whole heart and soul and thy neighbor as thyself." St. John, the apostle of charity, wrote: "He who says he loves God and who does not love his brother is a liar." Brotherly charity reveals the truthfulness of our love for God.

In the lives of the saints, one clearly sees the concern of parents to encourage their children to love their neighbor, for example, to give alms to the poor, to forgive unjust offenses, to visit the sick and elderly, to assist and defend a weaker child, to befriend the one who is sad and lonely, etc. Our Blessed Lord said: "...Amen I say to you, as long as you did it to one of these my least brethren, you did it to me" (Mt. 25:40). Following parental word and example, children must learn to practice this with the spirit of faith and the love of God in the bottom of their heart. Faith is not strictly about feelings or prayers; it has very practical applications.

Parents must encourage generosity in a child's sacrifices and efforts for the love of God. The Eucharistic Crusade can be an excellent means for this. Otherwise, a child's generosity can be spurred by precise examples, such as, no sweets on Fridays to console Jesus on the Cross, acts of obedience to lessen the pain of nails, heroic efforts in order to remove a thorn from His head, a novena for the conversion of somebody. There are many moving accounts of children's generosity regarding such things, especially if they have strong convictions regarding the particular intention that motivates them.

Adolescence

If there is ever a painful and disconcerting period for parents, it is adolescence, a normal and necessary stage to reach youth. The importance for parents to guide young adolescents through the deep transformations of this age of life cannot be stressed enough.

It is essential for parents to realize that adolescence is a passage from childhood to adult age, from dependence to autonomy. We repeat that it is a "passage." Too many adults seem to live perpetually as adolescents. The adolescent is no longer a child, though is not a young man yet, either. He is someone who is undergoing a profound transformation, psychological as well as physiological.

It is a certain fact that the physiological change undergone by a child into puberty is fundamental and characteristic to adolescence. From this period on the child becomes a source of life, a source of fecundity. Therefore, it is also the moment of psychological transformation to build his own personality, his autonomy. In man there is unity. He is a composite being of both spiritual and corporal elements. The awakening of the sexual function which engenders life does not occur without the beginning of a transformation of character. So that, whereas before the child desired to be protected and a part of this family, now he has a growing need to detach himself and take command of his own life. These two changes, that is, becoming a source of life and becoming fully himself, constitute an irresistible movement of nature which demands a progressive liberation from a way of life which is no longer fitting to his maturing nature. Admitted, this can be painful for parents. Finding a new equilibrium is not easy for the adolescent and he goes through extremes which can be annoying or difficult for the parents. This is where the educator's art comes into play.

Adolescence follows puberty. In adolescents, the onset of puberty is marked by a kind of crisis. In boys, this manifests itself by a new need for emancipation from mother's close rule. In general, by about the age of 11 a boy is tired of childhood, of being considered a little one, of being treated like a little child.

From 12 to 13 years, the child grows, and the stage of puberty will soon be reached. He becomes very aware of himself and feels the need to show off. He needs to be the center of attention. This is the beginning of a boy's transformation. In girls, the stage is marked by overall nervous tension about oncoming womanhood and heightened sensitivity regarding herself and society's expectations. Opinions of those other than her parents become extremely important. The stage from 13 to 15 years is the "thankless age" when a boy is not his former self. Overall, he manifests instability and the tendency to affirm his independence by a spirit of opposition or contradiction. Girls are the same, but until recently with the masculinization of girlhood, less so. From 15 to 17 years, the boy grows in stature, and gradually the "thankless age" passes. He becomes more stable. The manner by which the maturing boy or girl affirms himself takes on a positive character instead of a negative one, and a real need for genuine affection and a desire for responsibility begins to be felt. The boy or girl has become a young adult.

Many parents are too easily baffled by the complexity and contradictions of adolescence and give up wringing their hands. Some live in denial. Some hope time will sort things out, saying: "They'll grow out of it. It's only a stage." They are forgetting that these movements and passions will become bad habits if they are not curbed. Others wrongfully believe it is their duty to "bring the hammer down" harder and heavier without understanding they risk exasperating them or setting them in rebellion or dissimulation. If there is any good in them, their personality can be crippled to the point of killing any possible good initiative.

(to be continued)

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Fr. Alain Delagneau was ordained a priest of the Society of Saint Pius X in 1980 and is the head retreatmaster at the retreat house, Our Lady of Pointet in Escurolles, in central France. This article originally appeared in the French publication Marchons Droit, No. 44, 1988. It was translated by Fr. Gerard Ockerse, a priest of the Society of Saint Pius X, ordained in 1994, who is stationed at St. Joseph's Priory in Harare, Zimbabwe (Africa). This installment was heavily edited and adapted by Rev. Fr. Kenneth Novak.