My Decision About College

Ben Rutledge

In May of 1989, I was at the crossroads many young people come to during their senior year of high school—the choice of a college. After much thought, recollection, and anticipation, I made my choice. I picked a traditional Catholic college in Kansas, a thousand miles away from home. The college was St. Mary's.

I wasn't born into a Catholic home, but I became a Catholic, with my parents, when I was eight years old. I have probably led a somewhat less sheltered life than other Catholic children. Not being involved with religious activities, I occupied spare time with television and an occasional hobby or two. From first grade through twelfth in public school, I received nothing but a barrage of worldliness from my teachers and friends.

SMC faculty and students flank Rector Rev. Fr. Ramon Angles on the steps of the College Building.

This didn't bother me, though, especially in high school. I had fun with my friends, got a job at the mall, played on the football team, joined the swim team, and even got a car so I could be more independent. I never really took either school or my spiritual life seriously enough for them to get in the way of my social activities.

After a while, I began to feel as if I were being pulled by two opposing forces, the way of the world and the way of a Catholic. My friends were doing worse things than ever before for fun, and I found it hard to follow them and still keep a clear conscience. On the other hand, as our chapel in Atlanta had been growing at a steady pace, my family became more and more involved with church activities. But for me, for the longest time, going to Mass, saying the Rosary, and other aspects of a good spiritual life were an ordeal I felt my parents were putting me through. These practices didn't bring me the enjoyment and happiness that I knew they could.

My parents had been suggesting to me throughout my senior year that I go to St. Mary's College for at least one year. Every time they brought up this idea, I squirmed at the thought of going away to a Catholic college. I envisioned it as being sent off to prison, away from all the fun things I had been doing and wanted to continue doing.

Loyola Hall, located on "the Hill", contains over 100 private rooms and is the dormitory for all boarding girls at St. Mary's. This structure is one of eleven multi-story brick and stone buildings on the 27-acre campus.

Toward the spring of my senior year, my social life started to crumble. Many of my friends weren't worth being with, and my girlfriend of a year and a half had just broken up with me. I was always depressed. Then once I stopped and thought, "Could this be because my spiritual life is so lacking?" At this point, I made my decision to go to St. Mary's. I really needed a stronger basis of learning in order to understand my faith and be truly happy.

That summer, many thoughts ran through my mind about going to St. Mary's. After all, the decision to go to a school so far from home is not a small one! I sometimes thought about how I would be bored, how much of a burden it would be to go to Mass every day and take part in liturgical functions more than I ever had before, and how I might attend but just want to get it over with.

After I arrived at the college in September and got a "feel" for the campus and surroundings and met new friends, I started to feel more and more gratified about the decision I had made that spring. I found St. Mary's to be so different from what I had thought it would be—academically, socially, and spiritually.

Academic Life

On the morning of September 9, I woke up with a mixture of apprehension and enthusiasm for my first day of college. Would the classes go too fast, and would I get lost from the start? I had heard so many horror stories about college when I was in high school: impersonal professors who just wanted a paycheck, hectic note taking to the point of utter confusion, and so on. I'm sure everyone has heard stories like these.

Instead, what I found in my first class of the day, Logic, was a teacher who went over the syllabus slowly and got to know each of us. I walked out at the end of the period confident that I could handle college.

I found that St. Mary's could provide me with a chance to "get my feet wet," so to speak, with teachers who are personal before I might one day enter the confusion of a large university. My largest class had about twenty-five students, and my smallest class, three. Besides Logic, my schedule included Theology, History, Calculus, English, Latin, and Music.

St. Mary's offers something not found in the secular colleges of today: classes taught from a Catholic point of view. Having course material presented to us from the standpoint of God being our First Cause and Only End helped me see things in a new way. I began to understand, for example, reasons for the Pax Romana occurring prior to the birth of Our Lord, reasons for the study of Aristotle and his philosophy, and reasons for defending the Faith against heresy.

Social Life

One of the main things I was concerned with before coming to St. Mary's was the social life. Being one who enjoys going places with friends and meeting new friends, I was worried about whether I would get along with anyone and if there would be anything fun to do.

The minute I pulled up on campus and started unloading my stuff, I began meeting people. Some of these were students who had gone to the Academy at St. Mary's and were starting college this year. Others were here for the first time like me. One thing that impressed me was the number of students from different parts of the country and even the world! I met students from New York to Los Angeles, from Texas to North Dakota. There are students from Canada, Latin America, New Zealand, and European countries.

The great thing about the friends here is that they are Catholic, too, with the same beliefs as I have. I have found that our common faith enables me to get into serious discussions with others and actually find ourselves in agreement. Also it is easier to avoid the ever present occasions of sin while off campus with them because I know they won't pressure me into doing wrong things as was the case in high school.

Not only did I find friends among the student body here, but also in the administration. The priests and teachers are always willing to do things with us. They are all very busy yet always seem to find time to chat with us or help us in any way. Many a time I have been studying in my room at night when Father Kimball has come by to talk. It's a great pleasure to associate with the priests and other faculty members.

There are also many things to do here on campus. Two gyms provide plenty of room for basketball and volleyball, as well as for dances and other get-togethers. A large field in the middle of campus serves as an arena for soccer, football, and softball. There are horses available for riding and a large tract of land for exploring. A recreation room on the second floor of the college building has a ping-pong table, pool table, and games.

Another important social aspect of St. Mary's is the location of the campus in relation to other active spots. As my parents and I drove past the school on our arrival here, I immediately began looking for possible "fun spots." The school is located twenty-five miles west of Topeka, the capital of Kansas; seventy-five miles from Kansas City, one of the largest cities in the midwest; and about twenty miles east of Manhattan, home of Kansas State University. These three cities offer a wide range of activities from bowling to theaters, to putt-putt, and batting cages. There is also an amusement park called Worlds of Fun in Kansas City. Here in St. Mary's there is a grocery store, a drug store, restaurants, and convenience stores for personal needs.

Spiritual Life

The most important reason for being at St. Mary's, the feature which distinguishes it from all other colleges in the country, is, of course, the opportunity for spiritual advancement here.

Father Ramon Angles, the rector of the college, stressed to us in his first conference that we were not asked to come here to become priests or nuns. Though entering the seminary or the convent is an option some of the students may take, the priests and the faculty never impel the students to do so. We are being formed first of all into strong Catholic laymen. Many of us hope to be good Catholic parents in the future.

The academic year started off with three days of recollection. We observed silence at all times except at meal. The priests gave us conferences to put us in the right frame of mind for the beginning of the school year.

Many liturgical functions are held here, and I realize that they can strengthen my faith. Daily Mass provides me a sure way to start my day off right. Once a week I serve one of the Masses, as well. Rosary is said every evening, and Benediction is held with Rosary on Thursdays and with Vespers on Sundays. We may also attend the chanting of Divine Office daily if we want, at Prime, Sext, and Compline.

We may also sing in the choir.

At the beginning of Lent we had a five-day retreat. Under Father Lafitte's direction we were able to look within ourselves, to recognize and renounce our faults, and to make resolutions to strengthen our souls.

If I am in the need of meditation, or just separation from some of the worldliness of life, the campus has many places for quiet reflection or reading. Besides the Chapel with the Blessed Sacrament, there are several statues and shrines in little groves of trees where a person can spend time alone. Also, there are many areas to take hikes in solitude. I learned that long walks can give me peace of mind and body and help me concentrate on God.

St Mary's College has a lot to offer. My attitude toward being here has turned completely around since that spring day back in 1989. It takes being here and getting involved in the routine classes and activities to realize what an oasis the college is in the spiritual desert of today's world. While I was home for Christmas, it was great to see my family, but I found myself wanting to go back to school more and more as the vacation drew to a close.

My courses at St. Mary's are giving me solid ground to stand on to fight off the confused attacks on truth that I expect to encounter in the future. In a way, the college here has been to me a rope that can lead to heaven. This rope is composed of three strong twines: academic learning, social life, and spiritual life, which, when twisted together, become unbreakable. I trust that this rope will always be here to grab onto.