Thou Shalt Not Bear False Witness Against Thy Neighbor
“Mommy, Luke pushed me!” “Teacher, Vianney is copying me!” “Mommy, Joan took my book!” How should we respond to such proclamations? Is it necessary that we encourage them by our endorsement or by using this newfound information? Is the proclaimer moved by a sense of justice, by a desire for which all that is good and true should triumph? Or is it not selfishness and self-love inspiring such remarks?
Unfortunately, the latter is most often the case. If we were to complete the aforementioned tattletales, we would hear: “Luke didn’t push me on purpose but, I am not ready to forgive this slight involuntary lack of respect.” “Vianney is copying me, and simply since he is not nice, I am going to have him punished.” “Joan took my book because I was selfish and didn’t want to lend it to her.”
Therefore, we can dryly receive the teller by saying “I don’t listen to tattletales.” The child will understand that it is not correct to say such a thing and, subsequently, the commentary would be cut short. Nevertheless, these tattletales still occur on a daily basis. Thus it is imperative to stop and take the time to make the child morally aware of his actions.
For example, as the receiver, one can reply, “You’ve just told me that Cecilia cheated in the game. Cheated? Really? What did she do?” By asking more questions and digging deeper, the mother finds out that Cecilia hadn’t really cheated: “Only a little because she blew on the dice in order for a six to appear that would allow her horse to advance…”
“But that’s not cheating, you know that! So actually, you are accusing Cecilia for having cheated and it’s not true. Saying things that aren’t true, do you know what that’s called?”
“A lie…”
“So then, you need to realize that you have lied. By chance, is it not because Cecilia is currently winning the game?”
“Yes, mommy…”
“And, maybe you were a little jealous of her and thus sought to get back at her?”
“A little bit…”
“Well then, this is the type of lie we call calumny. Calumny is telling a lie about someone in order to cause him harm; for example, to punish him. This is sinful.” And with an air of severity, the mother concludes: “I don’t ever want to hear you say such things again.” Then, in a softer tone, she’ll add: “How about you run along and resume the game with Cecilia, don’t forget to be in good spirits and be charitable toward your sister.”
Here is another story.
Alice returns home all worked up. “Mommy, Marie no longer has her pink pen because Anne stole it from her. All the girls are sure it was Anne since she loves pink pens!” “Here we go again,” sighs Mom. Now a story of theft at school…and what if it’s true? Although remaining prudent, she simply replies “I don’t like hearing tattletales.” However, she will make an inquiry with her teacher. The nun knows the students in her class well and can quickly clarify the situation. “Marie has certainly lost her pen somewhere, it would not be the first time she has misplaced her belongings. As for Anne, she is a little girl going through a growth spurt, rather clumsy, and thus not well-liked by her classmates. But she is not a thief. I am concerned that Alice might need a lesson on respecting the reputation of others.”
That very night, the mom summons Alice: “Yesterday, you told me that Anne had stolen Marie’s pen. Did you see her do it?”
“No Mommy, but Anne really likes pink pens.”
“That is not a reason to accuse her! You also like pink pens, but that does not mean you’re going to steal them. You accused Anne of being a thief without cause. Do you know what this is called?”
“No, Mommy.”
“It’s a rash judgment that should not be made. Now, all the girls at school are saying that Anne is a thief. Would you like it if everyone was saying that you were a thief, even though it’s not true?”
“I am not a thief!”
“Well, don’t you see, Anne isn’t either. You behaved poorly toward her. Tomorrow, you are going to make things better with Anne by affirming that she, in fact, is not a thief and will then proceed to say that you will play with her at recess.”
The eighth commandment forbids us from revealing any evil committed by another without just cause. However, there are four instances where a child not only can, but must tell when he has witnessed another sinning. These circumstances are not considered “useless” when made known because they allow for adults to quickly put an end to the grave scandal in question. They are blasphemy, cruelty, sabotage, and impurity.
For example, when Alan returns home from boarding school, he says, “Mom, I’m rather disgusted by what Louis did. He found a way to keep his cell phone at school and then proceeded to privately look at certain sites at night with the other boys in the dormitory. To say the least, the sites were rather lewd…” Some questions assure the mother of the severity of what took place. “Alan, you did the right thing by talking to me because it is very serious and considered a scandal. This means that it incites others to sin as well. Now that you’ve spoken to me about this and fulfilled your duty, I would like you to forget about it and not talk about the situation with others. And remember, avoid bad classmates like the plague.” Henceforth, Alan’s Mom has the unpleasant duty of going to the school, in the absence of her child. She must put forward the information given her to the school director, and only him, then let him handle the problem.
The tongue is a small part of our body but it can light a huge fire! In the epistle of Saint John, we read “If a man does not sin in word, he is perfect.” It is this perfection that we want and strive toward for our children.
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